The Depression of Sisyphus

An Exerpt from Ninety-Nine Days from Now

Unfortunately, depression is more and more common these days. If you’re reading this, then it’s likely that you know the feeling. The way I describe it is like Sisyphus, the sinner of Greek Mythology who was condemned to push a rock up a hill for eternity. Depression is this immense rock wieghing you down with every step and every breath. Getting over depression is the act of pushing the rock uphill. Your natural negative thoughts are gravity itself pulling its weight against you.

When I’m in a good place, I’m Sisyphus overcoming the initial inertia and moving the rock upward. Progress is slow, but it’s progress. I don’t dare look to my peripheral because noticing how little progress I’ve made so far would kill me. I keep negativity out. I force a smile. I say I’ll show up to that birthday thing. I try. One foot at a time, one after the other, I focus all my energy and strenght and move the boulder upward.

Then something changes the optimism. Maybe a week or two will go by, and I’ll finally glance sideways to check my progress but be horrified to see how little I’ve moved. In that split second of drifting attention, the rock slips away and tumbles downhill, mocking my effort with every bounce and bound to crash below. Frustration boils within my blood. It shouldn’t be this hard! It shouldn’t require every ounce of my effort and my soul to inch this immense weight off me. It’s unfair that in a split second, my hard work is undone, and I have to muster even more strenght to start over — again.

I usually sit for a few days on the hill. After the anger and hopelessness are gone, I’ll find some inspiration to walk downhill, greet my boulder with a smile, and begin…again.